Is Freedom a Trick: An Internal Discussion of a Lost Soul

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!

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But what if I want to and it makes me smile? What if it makes me feel good inside? Where does my happiness fall in this equation and what are the other variables? Who or what holds the authority to determine whether I should or not follow through with my thoughts [intentions]?

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Isn’t this freedom [free will]? Aren’t we free to do as we please?

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In a past life, we found ourselves pulled in different directions, battling thoughts and actions for fear of judgement from others. Fearing misunderstandings… fearing labels… fearing being outcast by society and left to live in solitude on a deserted island trapped with only our thoughts, guilt, and shame.

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Hmm… Which will kill us first, our uncensored thoughts, momentous guilt, or darkest shame?

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Shame? Why has this word escaped the human language in today’s time? Many believe we should bring shame back as people in general seem to care less these days. Youth are fighting their elders, parents consuming substances around their kids, and no one bats an eye. What happened to shame? How did we get here?

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Some time ago, little boys couldn’t wear certain colors or play with particular toys for fear of being emasculated and deemed unworthy of carrying their father’s name. Little girls couldn’t learn certain skills and were restricted to what they could wear for fear of being possessed by a jezebel spirit and being disowned by their mothers.

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Isn’t this freedom [free will]? Does the innocence or purity of one’s mind not matter?

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Where have these standards come from, and who deemed it so? Whose interpretation declared it law? Interpretation… interpretation of what? Which house spoke this language? Who speaks as the head of this house?

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Many are beginning to think to themselves that this language sounds quite familiar and close to home… as you begin looking around and scanning your brain for more clues or perhaps a scripture for reference.

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Ahhh! The dust begins to settle, and our minds collectively remember these condemnations spoken in the House [Church] of our Father [Lord]. These interpretations were spoken with such conviction and persuasion of truth; parents never debated or gave pause to the instructions; other adults shrunk in shame for not meeting the various definitions or scripts of how to be a good man or a woman of value.

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Shame was weaponized as a tool to shun you away from our Father’s house… you were declared an abomination… you were labeled as a woman unfit for a husband… you were viewed as a man too soft for a queen. And in this era, shame became powerful and unyielding.

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But isn’t this, too, freedom [free will]? Obedience does not require understanding; compliance is what’s expected, right?

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Over time, power was siphoned from the Father [Lord] and transfused into the veins of leaders addicted to the power of influence. Like a wildfire, this poison spread throughout communities and plagued nations for generations.

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If you dared to think differently and raise questions, you were labeled a problem child, disobedient, shameful, or sinister. So, you rebelled by no longer showing your face, running away from the darkness that disguised itself as truth, love, and acceptance. This trauma followed you as the vision from your eyes faded, the beat of your heart declined, the sparkle of your spirit dimmed, and your confidence melted away as an orphan once embraced in a formidable House [Church].

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What could you do, right? They declared themselves chosen by God directly… God spoke to them weekly, right? No matter how much you prayed, God never spoke directly to you [you never heard his voice]. Therefore, their interpretations must be true, right?

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What if I told you God lives in each of us who choose to believe in Him and all judgement rests in his hands? Not every House [Church] was built on His foundation or with a leader chosen by Him!

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All that time you thought you were running, you were sleepwalking and not gaining any clarity. Clarity comes with knowledge, knowledge comes from reading, reading His words gives you unlimited power, and with power comes an avalanche of responsibility.  

Now, isn’t this Freedom [free will]? Shouldn’t freedom [free will] lead us to God, hold us accountable and enlighten us?

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A simple humanitarian act such as respecting our fellow neighbor is a lost concept. Most appear to be in survival mode and there’s no space for niceties when people are “too” occupied fighting for resources, fame, and opportunity. And that my friend, is when we begin our fall from grace. Being too busy for God [praying]… being too tired for God [praying]… living too well for God [praying]… in too much pain for God [praying]… being too happy to need God [prayer].

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When you’re too anything for God and begin to engage in your freedom [free will], all hell breaks loose. Living for the moment may have irreparable consequences that not even prayer can cure. Not caring about your neighbor, parents, or the elderly leads you astray from our Father’s grace, protection, and mercy. Granting God’s authority to any man or woman on this earth will always open the door to confusion, disappointment, and heartache.

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Just because you can do or say whatever you like does not mean you should, because whether you believe it or not, every action has a consequence and God is always watching!

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Use your freedom [free will] to earn your golden pass into the gates of heaven.  Pray for others more than yourself, give to others more than you receive, share God’s glory with happiness, uplift your neighbors with a kind heart, and be a beacon of hope when others are trapped in darkness!

Now that’s freedom [free will]! Moving in alignment with God!

Breaking Free from Emotional Chains: A Personal Tale

I granted you access to my life, not authority over who I am or who I may become. I guess it’s true what the old folks say, “You give them an inch, they’ll take a mile”!

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I gave you my vulnerability and you saw it as a gateway… a gateway and playground for your ego to cause more confusion, pain, and doubt.

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In a moment of weakness, I shared with you my truth… the heartache…the insecurities…the nightmares…the hidden wounds. Did you see me for me, or just another opportunity for you…an opportunity to appear omnipotent?

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For a while I said nothing, convinced myself that I wasn’t bothered. I ignored all the red flags, convincing myself that I wasn’t triggered. I offered you grace, even if doing so left me damaged inside.

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I left all of me behind…buried my body…compartmentalized my mind…froze my heart…and walked blindly into the darkness. Head bowed and senses numb to the elements of this world.

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Anything was better than the grief…anything was better than crying…anything was better than facing reality [the true nightmare that never wanted to end]. Besides, what more could I lose? What more could be taken from me? Name one thing left in my life of value…yeah, I couldn’t name anything either.

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Little did I know, you were not done with me. Your greed sickened me. Your wickedness crippled me. Your evil eye paralyzed me. All this time you were not chasing me…you were studying me…plotting against me…waiting strategically to conquer what no one else has achieved.

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From my first struggles as a child, you could sense me coming…falling. Since the enactment of the first trauma and my blood spilled effortlessly into the cool water, you could smell me…taste me even. Excitement consumed you from the imagination of my pain…my endless tears… a lifetime of tragedy waiting ahead of me.

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Feeling powerless or lost in the world or in any circumstance eats at you in ways that are often indescribable to those accustomed to eating with a silver spoon. Do we dare educate and face the narcissistic monster lurking in the shadows?

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Is our truth worth fighting for? Is peace worth new scars? Is contentment worth new disappointments?

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I say to the Universe, I don’t belong to you! Your moment of control over me is DONE! Release me! Release me, I say! I’m ending this pity party…I’m defeating this depression…I’m crushing the uncertainty…I’m burning the guilt…I’m dismantling all fear in my heart, mind, and spirit!

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We choose to keep fighting, but there are moments when the storms continue to smash against our homes [lives]…breaking windows [spirits]…fracturing foundations [souls]. And yet, we rebuild [our faith], knowing it can happen again.

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Is this wisdom or insanity? Is this our way of fighting back? Is this our way of sending a message?

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Perhaps, it’s a message that anything created and design by God can be restored! Maybe, it’s a message that despite what is fighting against us isn’t nearly as powerful as He who already died for us. It’s possible we have been reading and interpreting the story…our story…inaccurately this whole time.

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Turn on the light, flip the mirror around, see the real you…notice the light? As dim as it may appear at first, it’s still there…it’s still yours! That light and its power belong to you! Now tell me, what are you going to do with it?

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The time is coming…build your strength…ground your feet…form your fists. Tighter, like you believe it!

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The time is nearing to end our self-doubt…every time you thought you were broken beyond repair you stood tall. When you thought your story was ending, God created a new chapter. You thought grace from this world was beyond your reach, and yet you found your breath…you remembered your voice…you rediscovered your passion…you felt the warm kiss of the Sun once again and your purpose re-emerged.

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Our aspirations are not too big. Our dreams are not impractical. The blessings we pray for each night are not unreasonable. I declare what is for me, is mine! What God has for you, is for you!

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I don’t require affirmations from this world. The whispers from the vain, empty-hearted, calculating, soulless, 5% believer, 95% universe worshippers hold no power or authority over me.

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The pain from my scars…mine! The joy from my victory…mine! The guilt locked in pandoras box…mine! The testimony healing this world…mine! The God recharging my soul…mine! The blessing underway due to my faith…mine! The breakthrough because of my prayers…mine! The deliverance of my soul from fasting…Mine!

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What God has for me cannot be taken by any man or entity reveling in the universe…IT IS FOR ME! Declare what IS FOR YOU!

Secrecy (Your Free Will), by Author Wallace

What is it about secrets that forces the heart to race and triggers goosebumps to tingle down your spine? Why does holding onto a secret feel as good as your favorite ice-cream sundae on a hot Friday afternoon? At least sometimes, right? Some might say there is power in having knowledge that no one or possibly very few people may be aware of in life. The smirk of innocence you hold on your face and the silent giggle trapped within that feeds your soul in a way food never could satisfy you. A secret so delicious you dare not allow a word to spill from your lips. The look of seduction you give a person as your essence desperately wants to share just a piece of your secret from the rim of your mouth.

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Why not give the world what we desire…why not share just a tiny taste to quench our hunger? We too, yearn for a speck of enlightenment in our lives. Your secret, if spilled at the right place and at the right time, could change a person’s life forever, my dear. Why not show us the power of the words being constrained by the grasp and tight squeeze of your tongue? We just might like what you have to share…your delivery just might send us to the destination we’ve been too afraid to admit to ourselves. Your truth, escorted by the tone and rhythm of your voice might be the liberation our soul has been seeking by meditating and sending vibrations of manifestation into the universe. You know what they say about closed mouths, right?  Umm…

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Why do people give secrets so much power? Is it an illusion of power? Do you find holding secrets from your friends or from those you love an assertion of dominance or advantage? Or is this only for the few people capable of selling deceit to the masses? Hmm, speculating here, but could this possibly apply only to the people who enjoy masking multiple personalities? The people who enjoy exhibiting one embodiment to their mother, another to their wife or husband, and yet another to their best-friend…Oh, how much fun it must be to rid your shell and showcase your chameleon like superpowers whenever beneficial for you: protecting that secret with all your strength and enjoying every minute of personified delusion.  

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Is there only enjoyment found in those holding secrets because of who they may be trying to protect or what they are trying to protect…such as one’s ego, for instance? What if losing the love of your life was the value at risk, would you give your secret away? How much appetite does your ego have daily? Isn’t it true that we all, to some extent, have a degree of egotistical behavior whether we believe or accept it to be true? Aren’t we all imperfect? Don’t tell me you, the one reading this right now, is perfect. Don’t tell me you’re wise beyond your years and such things do not apply to you. How wonderful it must be… to be YOU! Hmm…

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Well, there’s only one being with the designated authority to judge, and it’s not the one writing these words or the one reading them. Therefore, do not expect a net of judgement to cast from this direction. I could simply be intrigued enough to want a sample…of that secret. I’ve been told that once I harness a secret it stays locked in Pandora’s box forever. When was the last time someone took care of your secret so distinctively it left you speechless and wanting to share every…thing…you’ve ever learned in life? Who deserves that more in life than me…the guardian of secrets?

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Perhaps, it’s my job to convince you to let it out. FREE YOURSELF! Stop allowing your light to be dimmed by the bondage of your secret. Scan those in your life and even those surrounding you for the worthiness of your secret. He/she just might be right in your face. Think of how you might feel about not sharing your power all this time. Think of how electrifying the experience could be when two compatible spirits collide in harmony with all secrets… exposed.

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Who’s to say the power you thought you were harnessing within by not sharing that secret, could be dramatically enhanced by a beholder well-equipped for what you have to share. Don’t limit yourself in life by narrow-thinking. Don’t limit yourself because of insecurities. Don’t limit yourself because of the unknown. The unknown could potentially lead you to the blessing of a lifetime.

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Oh my, just how satisfied you might become…Damn! Thinking of your hap·pi·ness surely put a smirk on my face.

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Whether your guilty pleasure is hoarding secrets or eating a glazed donut while dieting, most believe you deserve to be loved either way, flaws and all. Your path to love is paved by what you hold within. Is there purity within you? What charges you, is it light or darkness? Are you moved by merriment or gloom? Figure out your source in life and it just might reveal who’s worthy of your secret. But then again, withholding your secret like an unpollinated flower blissfully unaware of the treasure inside may be your bewildering pleasure.

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If you like it, then I love it…for you! Just remember, sharing your secret(s) with me will not diminish your power; you will be elevated to new heights…a new dimension…places never explored before with a weightless iridescent soul!

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Set your secret(s) free…with me…or at least the next best option. You…deserve… freedom!

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