Faith - MATHIAS WALLACE

Is Freedom a Trick: An Internal Discussion of a Lost Soul

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!

But what if I want to and it makes me smile? What if it makes me feel good inside? Where does my happiness fall in this equation and what are the other variables? Who or what holds the authority to determine whether I should or not follow through with my thoughts [intentions]?

Isn’t this freedom [free will]? Aren’t we free to do as we please?

In a past life, we found ourselves pulled in different directions, battling thoughts and actions for fear of judgement from others. Fearing misunderstandings… fearing labels… fearing being outcast by society and left to live in solitude on a deserted island trapped with only our thoughts, guilt, and shame.

Hmm… Which will kill us first, our uncensored thoughts, momentous guilt, or darkest shame?

Shame? Why has this word escaped the human language in today’s time? Many believe we should bring shame back as people in general seem to care less these days. Youth are fighting their elders, parents consuming substances around their kids, and no one bats an eye. What happened to shame? How did we get here?

Some time ago, little boys couldn’t wear certain colors or play with particular toys for fear of being emasculated and deemed unworthy of carrying their father’s name. Little girls couldn’t learn certain skills and were restricted to what they could wear for fear of being possessed by a jezebel spirit and being disowned by their mothers.

Isn’t this freedom [free will]? Does the innocence or purity of one’s mind not matter?

Where have these standards come from, and who deemed it so? Whose interpretation declared it law? Interpretation… interpretation of what? Which house spoke this language? Who speaks as the head of this house?

Many are beginning to think to themselves that this language sounds quite familiar and close to home… as you begin looking around and scanning your brain for more clues or perhaps a scripture for reference.

Ahhh! The dust begins to settle, and our minds collectively remember these condemnations spoken in the House [Church] of our Father [Lord]. These interpretations were spoken with such conviction and persuasion of truth; parents never debated or gave pause to the instructions; other adults shrunk in shame for not meeting the various definitions or scripts of how to be a good man or a woman of value.

Shame was weaponized as a tool to shun you away from our Father’s house… you were declared an abomination… you were labeled as a woman unfit for a husband… you were viewed as a man too soft for a queen. And in this era, shame became powerful and unyielding.

But isn’t this, too, freedom [free will]? Obedience does not require understanding; compliance is what’s expected, right?

Over time, power was siphoned from the Father [Lord] and transfused into the veins of leaders addicted to the power of influence. Like a wildfire, this poison spread throughout communities and plagued nations for generations.

If you dared to think differently and raise questions, you were labeled a problem child, disobedient, shameful, or sinister. So, you rebelled by no longer showing your face, running away from the darkness that disguised itself as truth, love, and acceptance. This trauma followed you as the vision from your eyes faded, the beat of your heart declined, the sparkle of your spirit dimmed, and your confidence melted away as an orphan once embraced in a formidable House [Church].

What could you do, right? They declared themselves chosen by God directly… God spoke to them weekly, right? No matter how much you prayed, God never spoke directly to you [you never heard his voice]. Therefore, their interpretations must be true, right?

What if I told you God lives in each of us who choose to believe in Him and all judgement rests in his hands? Not every House [Church] was built on His foundation or with a leader chosen by Him!

All that time you thought you were running, you were sleepwalking and not gaining any clarity. Clarity comes with knowledge, knowledge comes from reading, reading His words gives you unlimited power, and with power comes an avalanche of responsibility.

Now, isn’t this Freedom [free will]? Shouldn’t freedom [free will] lead us to God, hold us accountable and enlighten us?

A simple humanitarian act such as respecting our fellow neighbor is a lost concept. Most appear to be in survival mode and there’s no space for niceties when people are “too” occupied fighting for resources, fame, and opportunity. And that my friend, is when we begin our fall from grace. Being too busy for God [praying]… being too tired for God [praying]… living too well for God [praying]… in too much pain for God [praying]… being too happy to need God [prayer].

When you’re too anything for God and begin to engage in your freedom [free will], all hell breaks loose. Living for the moment may have irreparable consequences that not even prayer can cure. Not caring about your neighbor, parents, or the elderly leads you astray from our Father’s grace, protection, and mercy. Granting God’s authority to any man or woman on this earth will always open the door to confusion, disappointment, and heartache.

Just because you can do or say whatever you like does not mean you should, because whether you believe it or not, every action has a consequence and God is always watching!

Use your freedom [free will] to earn your golden pass into the gates of heaven. Pray for others more than yourself, give to others more than you receive, share God’s glory with happiness, uplift your neighbors with a kind heart, and be a beacon of hope when others are trapped in darkness!

Now that’s freedom [free will]! Moving in alignment with God!

Breaking Free from Emotional Chains: A Personal Tale

I granted you access to my life, not authority over who I am or who I may become. I guess it’s true what the old folks say, “You give them an inch, they’ll take a mile”!

I gave you my vulnerability and you saw it as a gateway… a gateway and playground for your ego to cause more confusion, pain, and doubt.

In a moment of weakness, I shared with you my truth… the heartache…the insecurities…the nightmares…the hidden wounds. Did you see me for me, or just another opportunity for you…an opportunity to appear omnipotent?

For a while I said nothing, convinced myself that I wasn’t bothered. I ignored all the red flags, convincing myself that I wasn’t triggered. I offered you grace, even if doing so left me damaged inside.

I left all of me behind…buried my body…compartmentalized my mind…froze my heart…and walked blindly into the darkness. Head bowed and senses numb to the elements of this world.

Anything was better than the grief…anything was better than crying…anything was better than facing reality [the true nightmare that never wanted to end]. Besides, what more could I lose? What more could be taken from me? Name one thing left in my life of value…yeah, I couldn’t name anything either.

Little did I know, you were not done with me. Your greed sickened me. Your wickedness crippled me. Your evil eye paralyzed me. All this time you were not chasing me…you were studying me…plotting against me…waiting strategically to conquer what no one else has achieved.

From my first struggles as a child, you could sense me coming…falling. Since the enactment of the first trauma and my blood spilled effortlessly into the cool water, you could smell me…taste me even. Excitement consumed you from the imagination of my pain…my endless tears… a lifetime of tragedy waiting ahead of me.

Feeling powerless or lost in the world or in any circumstance eats at you in ways that are often indescribable to those accustomed to eating with a silver spoon. Do we dare educate and face the narcissistic monster lurking in the shadows?

Is our truth worth fighting for? Is peace worth new scars? Is contentment worth new disappointments?

I say to the Universe, I don’t belong to you! Your moment of control over me is DONE! Release me! Release me, I say! I’m ending this pity party…I’m defeating this depression…I’m crushing the uncertainty…I’m burning the guilt…I’m dismantling all fear in my heart, mind, and spirit!

We choose to keep fighting, but there are moments when the storms continue to smash against our homes [lives]…breaking windows [spirits]…fracturing foundations [souls]. And yet, we rebuild [our faith], knowing it can happen again.

Is this wisdom or insanity? Is this our way of fighting back? Is this our way of sending a message?

Perhaps, it’s a message that anything created and design by God can be restored! Maybe, it’s a message that despite what is fighting against us isn’t nearly as powerful as He who already died for us. It’s possible we have been reading and interpreting the story…our story…inaccurately this whole time.

Turn on the light, flip the mirror around, see the real you…notice the light? As dim as it may appear at first, it’s still there…it’s still yours! That light and its power belong to you! Now tell me, what are you going to do with it?

The time is coming…build your strength…ground your feet…form your fists. Tighter, like you believe it!

The time is nearing to end our self-doubt…every time you thought you were broken beyond repair you stood tall. When you thought your story was ending, God created a new chapter. You thought grace from this world was beyond your reach, and yet you found your breath…you remembered your voice…you rediscovered your passion…you felt the warm kiss of the Sun once again and your purpose re-emerged.

Our aspirations are not too big. Our dreams are not impractical. The blessings we pray for each night are not unreasonable. I declare what is for me, is mine! What God has for you, is for you!

I don’t require affirmations from this world. The whispers from the vain, empty-hearted, calculating, soulless, 5% believer, 95% universe worshippers hold no power or authority over me.

The pain from my scars…mine! The joy from my victory…mine! The guilt locked in pandoras box…mine! The testimony healing this world…mine! The God recharging my soul…mine! The blessing underway due to my faith…mine! The breakthrough because of my prayers…mine! The deliverance of my soul from fasting…Mine!

What God has for me cannot be taken by any man or entity reveling in the universe…IT IS FOR ME! Declare what IS FOR YOU!

Beyond the Sweetness of Delusion: One Shocking Call for Help

Many things have been said and done towards us over the years. Some of these encounters came with perfect timing, providing just what we needed at the moment. We were encouraged, provided with resources, or given wisdom. Some people have a gift of knowing exactly what to say. Others are blessed and driven to help others with the tools available for dissemination to those struggling.

Not to mention, it’s such a blessing to know these types of people who never ask for anything…they offer and add value to your life. They do not burden you with their horror stories at a sad attempt of winning the “Who has the Worst Life” award. They share things that are exciting, distracting from your daily woes and times of strife.

They share things that remind you that the world is still spinning and life continues to move forward. It forces you to decide whether to remain stagnant or fight for the life you deserve. Some of the battles we face require assistance from the outside… a source greater than ourselves…an essence not stripped of its catalyst of strength.

Let’s give a shout out to the people that listen with an open ear…non-judgmental friends/family that see us as humans first. We love you! At times, you give the best advice. You never allow us to live in our delusion or false realities that offer a temporary guise of healing and peace.

Moreover, the words of positivity that you offer… the hugs you extend… the car rides in silence…or having your presence near us…they remind us God is real. They remind us He is loving. They remind us He is forgiving. They remind us He has warriors positioned all over and serving His will.

The strong one! The wise one! The image of resilience! The voice of reason and logic!

As a matter of fact, we recognize that those who carry these titles did not willingly choose them on their own. Some of us were involuntarily nominated in these roles at an early age and the responsibility never quite reassigned itself to someone else.

Why? Why must we achieve excellence in everything we do? Where does the strength come from? Or are you/we better at hiding what’s really going on? Does helping others provide a selfless outlet or escape from your own problems?

Similarly, this must be part of your strategy for healing, by supporting others, counseling the broken, equipping the poor, and serving the unfortunate…a more commendable space of delusion, of course.

Though, if we could be honest for a moment, delusion feels good when it’s not active in an atmosphere of toxicity. We cannot sit here and pretend otherwise. On the contrary, delusion is like the mid-night snack we know is not good for our health, but it will satisfy the craving and send us off to sleep.

In spite of the weird dreams that may come with eating so close to bedtime, we managed to fall asleep and that was the priority! Most would prefer to feel weird rather than restless. In this case, a win is a win!

When we think back in time and the conversations or interactions with people, not everything said has hurt us. Not everything said has broken our spirits. Not all things said or done required a response or reaction. Not all things done to us left a physical bruise to remind us of the altercation or disagreement.

Most, as you begin to reminisce, may recall taking the high road regardless to maintain peace and minimize hostility. Has there ever been a moment where the high road cost your peace of mind? Has it ever caused your spirit to be unsettled? Did it fill you with regret? How often does this encounter stalk you while daydreaming?

Comparatively to the previous scenario, this too, is delusion. We often times find ourselves compromising and accommodating others for the sake of being peaceful. As perplexed as it may sound, these “selfless” acts can cause more damage if we’re not careful.

We should not be compromising when our values are completely disregarded by the oppressor. We should not be accommodating when our faith is under attack, no matter the discomfort or level of intimidation. We should not take the high road when our family values are omitted, leaving our loved ones demoralized or petrified. We should not turn the other cheek when decrepit soulless beings attempt to steal our souls, joy, purpose, or connection to The Almighty.

As apprehensive as it may seem, these are not the instances to sit in the delusion of taking the high road. This my friend is when we turn and fight. We fight for what is ours. We fight for what we have worked so hard for in life. We fight for the things God has declared were ours, and ours along.

We fight to take a stand! We fight to be remembered! We fight for the weak! We fight for lost souls unable to find their way. We fight for the disadvantaged! We fight for the underdog! We fight because this spiritual warfare has claimed too many lives.

We fight because our Purpose is bigger than Pride!

To have clarity of when to fight and when to stand down, one must be connected, anointed, patient, humble, slow to react, a praying warrior, purpose-filled, and emptied of him/herself and sustained by the Holy one.

That promotion is yours, position yourself to be competitive. That new house is yours, build your team and go for it. That new business is yours, establish a plan and pursue it. That healing you’ve prayed for is on it way, pray and believe it is done. That emptiness deep inside does not belong there, claim your purpose every day and believe it. That justice belongs to you, equip yourself with the resources to declare victory.

Prayer – Action = Disappointment & Defeat

I write this passage to declare your Victory in 2026! Be Bold, Kind, Thoughtful, Vigilant, Confident, Hopeful, True, and practice Discernment!

When a Legend Crosses Over, by Author Wallace

You started off by yourself with a simple idea in your head thinking, “Oh no! There’s no way it will work out like that for me.” Time passes and day by day you play with the idea, but it’s only fun at this point so you continue to dribble with the best imitation of your favorite basketball player. Hundreds of hours spent running, jumping, sliding, and shooting the ball at the basket. A missed shot here and a horrible pass there, but you remained resilient and poised. The look in your eyes said it all! The calmness of your heart and steady but soft breathing spoke volumes in those moments of truth. Who would you become? Could you be brave enough to try even when you feel defeated or broken? What legacy would you leave behind?

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Luckily for the world, you were anointed with pure talent and potential, but like any other flower desperate to bloom, you required love, nourishment, and a source of light to guide you through the darkness. And, with all you reaped from this earthly plane , you were compassionate enough to return and plant new seeds in the garden of life. The journey may not have been easy, but for any man or woman courageous enough to face society and claim your destiny, you surely are not vain enough to believe the road ahead would be without challenges. Like the gladiators of the past, you faced your opponents with the intent to prevail and be declared victorious! Thousands of contestants over the course of the years attempted to claim your throne, but they failed!
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Why? Why you? Was it the countless hours spent practicing your future signature move over and over until it was perfect? Was it the extra time spent watching films and speaking with your mentors? Perhaps, it was the sacrifices you made on and off the court that made you a fierce warrior destined to be King. These points mixed your incomparable determination and knowledge of the game served as your secret ingredients to become the renowned and immortal spirit of the Black Mamba! Crowds have yelled and cheered your name to heaven as you finessed your way into the air, separating from your opponent, and scoring the winning shot time after time! It was magical. It was electrifying. It was you, KOBE!

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Your legacy shall live on forever, stitched in the hearts and minds of nations. From the training camps of little kids to the personal time spent coaching your daughter, your impact echoed across the sea. And, for that we say THANK YOU! How many young children were given hope when they saw you create art on the court, as you paraded from end to end eager to win in honor of your city? How many young men turned from violence and picked up a basketball instead of a gun I wonder? How many mothers were grateful to see their sons remove basketball shoes from their backpack rather than drugs? Those fighting a life sentence in prison will say that giving a man hope is a dangerous thing. The hope you ignited deep within the souls of the once doubtful youth, changed the trajectory of their life’s and now they are leading the way. You shall never fade from our memory for as long as our lungs are filled with air and our minds conscious of this world.
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Now, the time has come for us to say “until next time!” You have earned your wings and have been declared a new guardian angel to protect us the unforeseen battles surrounding us daily. What better warrior to protect the young, old, and incapacitated? We will continue to pray for strength, resilience, and hope to cover your family!

Rest Peacefully, King! ❤️

Life, by Author Wallace

Many days we wake up completed exhausted, both mentally and emotionally; physically, we could run a marathon. How is this possible? Is something wrong with me? Everyone knows the human body is such a miraculous creation, and we are still learning new things about its functions and capabilities. Some of you, like me, wake up feeling lost. It’s not severe enough to worry you, but it’s deep enough to make lay there as your mind wonders from one thought to the next. Is it because of my Zodiac sign, although its seldom that I acknowledge astrology when searching for reason? Is it because I’m addicted to overthinking? Is it because I simply enjoy exploring the unknown? Maybe, this is adulting, right? This happens to people approaching 30 years of age, right? Life!

Life is so unpredictable, and as soon as you believe you have things figured out, BOOM! Life serves you a curveball, and now you’re back where you started, in bed and staring at the ceiling and puzzled on how you ended up in your current situation. What did I do to deserve this? Is this my punishment for not giving the homeless man $2 at the gas station? “I promise I just didn’t want to build the expectation that I’ll always have an extra dollar every time I come to get gas or a bag of chips or my favorite candy bar.” Life!

Wow! If you believe life is a game, please provide me with the cheat codes so that I may give my brain a break from thinking and drawing conclusions. Who knew that mental and emotional exhaustion can build to a point that it leaves you paralyzed? Who knew? One day you can flip a military tank, and the next day you’re crawling out of bed fighting desperately to make it to work because you have bills to pay. Who knew? One day you can’t wait to call your best friend and the next day your phone is on “Do Not Disturb” because the life inside of you that enjoys socializing is simply gone! Lights out folks, because you have nothing left. Life!

This, this can’t be life, right? What’s the matter with me? “Lord, help me to identify the issue that’s controlling my subconscious and impacting my reality!” We scream these words to heaven with our eyes filled with liquid hope. Our lips tremble as hope escape our eyes and runs down our cheeks. Suddenly, the space around you moves in slow motion as hope drips from the bottom of your chin and falls ever slowly to the floor. Your eyes close as the confusion in your head converts to emptiness in your heart, and you fall. You fall down to your knees as hope creates a puddle beneath you, creating a black hole attempting to swallow you whole. Life!

Many may believe this is a display of weakness, by allowing yourself to be so vulnerable. But, what do they know? How many lives have they lived? Do they have a direct hotline to the Almighty who has all power and knowledge? No! Each of us, have the right and I dare say privilege to feel how we feel, unapologetically! Donnie McClurkin once said that a Saint is just a sinner who fell down, and got up! My friend, fall, fall to your knees and allow that pain to flow through you and out into the abyss. But, remember to find the strength to get up once again. You’re still in this fight, and you have been equipped to win whether you believe it or not. Life!

Become the author of your own story as you pray to the creator of words. You will discover that not only will you be blessed with the strength to get up, but you’ll be running that marathon, the marathon called LIFE!

Life on the Soccer Field, by Author Wallace

Life will treat you like a soccer ball and kick you all over the field if you try to control it. Many of us believe that the “free will” granted to us by the Almighty truly gave us authority over our lives. But, this my friend, is a false expectation to have and it will lead to a life of emptiness and void. No one knows how their life will end, but the one thing we hold on to is Faith.

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Faith is our assurance, that although we are blind, we trust that everything will work out for the greater good. Some of us have even stronger faith and believe that all things happen in accordance to the will of God. But, why do so many of us continue to make life plans?

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Why is it so important to know or to plan, what’s next? Does it provide some sense of security? Is it a part of our human nature to control things, even if we know the delegated authority we possess over our life is false?

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When I was younger, I used to believe that by making “life goals” and setting a time frame for completion, that I was trusting God to make them happen. However, after life kicked my butt up and down the soccer field time-after-time, I soon realized that God never instructed me to accomplish the items on that list.

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As I grew older, I began to change the way I approached life, and I even adjusted the way I prayed. My prayers evolved on a spiritual level such as,

“Father God, I come to you right now to say, thank you! Thank you for all you have done and for all the blessings you have showered me with. I’m not sure what’s next or what I’m supposed to do, so, I humbly ask for your guidance and direction. Please, provide me with clear signs on what I’m supposed to pursue as it relates to my purpose in life. Direct me towards the appropriate people, places, and circumstances that are aligned with your will for my life. I only want to make you proud. I only want to pursue what will make you happy and satisfied with who I have become. Remove everything within me, my mind, my body, and my spirit that is not sent or approved by you. I trust you, I love you, and your acceptance is all that matters to me. Father God, I thank you in advance for all that you have in store for me, in my life. If I stray from your path, please redirect me immediately and remove any thought, person, emotion, or feeling of doubt leading me away from you. These and all the blessings I pray in your son’s Jesus name, Amen!”

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It’s liberating how your life turns completely around when you hand over control to the one who holds all power. Personally, my life has not been the same since I handed over all my problems, anxiety, and doubt over to The Almighty. Perhaps, this testimony will help you, too.

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Thank you for reading and feel free to leave your comments below!