Strength - MATHIAS WALLACE

Breaking Free from Emotional Chains: A Personal Tale

I granted you access to my life, not authority over who I am or who I may become. I guess it’s true what the old folks say, “You give them an inch, they’ll take a mile”!

I gave you my vulnerability and you saw it as a gateway… a gateway and playground for your ego to cause more confusion, pain, and doubt.

In a moment of weakness, I shared with you my truth… the heartache…the insecurities…the nightmares…the hidden wounds. Did you see me for me, or just another opportunity for you…an opportunity to appear omnipotent?

For a while I said nothing, convinced myself that I wasn’t bothered. I ignored all the red flags, convincing myself that I wasn’t triggered. I offered you grace, even if doing so left me damaged inside.

I left all of me behind…buried my body…compartmentalized my mind…froze my heart…and walked blindly into the darkness. Head bowed and senses numb to the elements of this world.

Anything was better than the grief…anything was better than crying…anything was better than facing reality [the true nightmare that never wanted to end]. Besides, what more could I lose? What more could be taken from me? Name one thing left in my life of value…yeah, I couldn’t name anything either.

Little did I know, you were not done with me. Your greed sickened me. Your wickedness crippled me. Your evil eye paralyzed me. All this time you were not chasing me…you were studying me…plotting against me…waiting strategically to conquer what no one else has achieved.

From my first struggles as a child, you could sense me coming…falling. Since the enactment of the first trauma and my blood spilled effortlessly into the cool water, you could smell me…taste me even. Excitement consumed you from the imagination of my pain…my endless tears… a lifetime of tragedy waiting ahead of me.

Feeling powerless or lost in the world or in any circumstance eats at you in ways that are often indescribable to those accustomed to eating with a silver spoon. Do we dare educate and face the narcissistic monster lurking in the shadows?

Is our truth worth fighting for? Is peace worth new scars? Is contentment worth new disappointments?

I say to the Universe, I don’t belong to you! Your moment of control over me is DONE! Release me! Release me, I say! I’m ending this pity party…I’m defeating this depression…I’m crushing the uncertainty…I’m burning the guilt…I’m dismantling all fear in my heart, mind, and spirit!

We choose to keep fighting, but there are moments when the storms continue to smash against our homes [lives]…breaking windows [spirits]…fracturing foundations [souls]. And yet, we rebuild [our faith], knowing it can happen again.

Is this wisdom or insanity? Is this our way of fighting back? Is this our way of sending a message?

Perhaps, it’s a message that anything created and design by God can be restored! Maybe, it’s a message that despite what is fighting against us isn’t nearly as powerful as He who already died for us. It’s possible we have been reading and interpreting the story…our story…inaccurately this whole time.

Turn on the light, flip the mirror around, see the real you…notice the light? As dim as it may appear at first, it’s still there…it’s still yours! That light and its power belong to you! Now tell me, what are you going to do with it?

The time is coming…build your strength…ground your feet…form your fists. Tighter, like you believe it!

The time is nearing to end our self-doubt…every time you thought you were broken beyond repair you stood tall. When you thought your story was ending, God created a new chapter. You thought grace from this world was beyond your reach, and yet you found your breath…you remembered your voice…you rediscovered your passion…you felt the warm kiss of the Sun once again and your purpose re-emerged.

Our aspirations are not too big. Our dreams are not impractical. The blessings we pray for each night are not unreasonable. I declare what is for me, is mine! What God has for you, is for you!

I don’t require affirmations from this world. The whispers from the vain, empty-hearted, calculating, soulless, 5% believer, 95% universe worshippers hold no power or authority over me.

The pain from my scars…mine! The joy from my victory…mine! The guilt locked in pandoras box…mine! The testimony healing this world…mine! The God recharging my soul…mine! The blessing underway due to my faith…mine! The breakthrough because of my prayers…mine! The deliverance of my soul from fasting…Mine!

What God has for me cannot be taken by any man or entity reveling in the universe…IT IS FOR ME! Declare what IS FOR YOU!

Beyond the Sweetness of Delusion: One Shocking Call for Help

Many things have been said and done towards us over the years. Some of these encounters came with perfect timing, providing just what we needed at the moment. We were encouraged, provided with resources, or given wisdom. Some people have a gift of knowing exactly what to say. Others are blessed and driven to help others with the tools available for dissemination to those struggling.

Not to mention, it’s such a blessing to know these types of people who never ask for anything…they offer and add value to your life. They do not burden you with their horror stories at a sad attempt of winning the “Who has the Worst Life” award. They share things that are exciting, distracting from your daily woes and times of strife.

They share things that remind you that the world is still spinning and life continues to move forward. It forces you to decide whether to remain stagnant or fight for the life you deserve. Some of the battles we face require assistance from the outside… a source greater than ourselves…an essence not stripped of its catalyst of strength.

Let’s give a shout out to the people that listen with an open ear…non-judgmental friends/family that see us as humans first. We love you! At times, you give the best advice. You never allow us to live in our delusion or false realities that offer a temporary guise of healing and peace.

Moreover, the words of positivity that you offer… the hugs you extend… the car rides in silence…or having your presence near us…they remind us God is real. They remind us He is loving. They remind us He is forgiving. They remind us He has warriors positioned all over and serving His will.

The strong one! The wise one! The image of resilience! The voice of reason and logic!

As a matter of fact, we recognize that those who carry these titles did not willingly choose them on their own. Some of us were involuntarily nominated in these roles at an early age and the responsibility never quite reassigned itself to someone else.

Why? Why must we achieve excellence in everything we do? Where does the strength come from? Or are you/we better at hiding what’s really going on? Does helping others provide a selfless outlet or escape from your own problems?

Similarly, this must be part of your strategy for healing, by supporting others, counseling the broken, equipping the poor, and serving the unfortunate…a more commendable space of delusion, of course.

Though, if we could be honest for a moment, delusion feels good when it’s not active in an atmosphere of toxicity. We cannot sit here and pretend otherwise. On the contrary, delusion is like the mid-night snack we know is not good for our health, but it will satisfy the craving and send us off to sleep.

In spite of the weird dreams that may come with eating so close to bedtime, we managed to fall asleep and that was the priority! Most would prefer to feel weird rather than restless. In this case, a win is a win!

When we think back in time and the conversations or interactions with people, not everything said has hurt us. Not everything said has broken our spirits. Not all things said or done required a response or reaction. Not all things done to us left a physical bruise to remind us of the altercation or disagreement.

Most, as you begin to reminisce, may recall taking the high road regardless to maintain peace and minimize hostility. Has there ever been a moment where the high road cost your peace of mind? Has it ever caused your spirit to be unsettled? Did it fill you with regret? How often does this encounter stalk you while daydreaming?

Comparatively to the previous scenario, this too, is delusion. We often times find ourselves compromising and accommodating others for the sake of being peaceful. As perplexed as it may sound, these “selfless” acts can cause more damage if we’re not careful.

We should not be compromising when our values are completely disregarded by the oppressor. We should not be accommodating when our faith is under attack, no matter the discomfort or level of intimidation. We should not take the high road when our family values are omitted, leaving our loved ones demoralized or petrified. We should not turn the other cheek when decrepit soulless beings attempt to steal our souls, joy, purpose, or connection to The Almighty.

As apprehensive as it may seem, these are not the instances to sit in the delusion of taking the high road. This my friend is when we turn and fight. We fight for what is ours. We fight for what we have worked so hard for in life. We fight for the things God has declared were ours, and ours along.

We fight to take a stand! We fight to be remembered! We fight for the weak! We fight for lost souls unable to find their way. We fight for the disadvantaged! We fight for the underdog! We fight because this spiritual warfare has claimed too many lives.

We fight because our Purpose is bigger than Pride!

To have clarity of when to fight and when to stand down, one must be connected, anointed, patient, humble, slow to react, a praying warrior, purpose-filled, and emptied of him/herself and sustained by the Holy one.

That promotion is yours, position yourself to be competitive. That new house is yours, build your team and go for it. That new business is yours, establish a plan and pursue it. That healing you’ve prayed for is on it way, pray and believe it is done. That emptiness deep inside does not belong there, claim your purpose every day and believe it. That justice belongs to you, equip yourself with the resources to declare victory.

Prayer – Action = Disappointment & Defeat

I write this passage to declare your Victory in 2026! Be Bold, Kind, Thoughtful, Vigilant, Confident, Hopeful, True, and practice Discernment!

The Unexpected is Always Around the Corner

Is it just me, or is anyone else out there wondering, “Does the war ever end for the strong”? Just when you think you’ve fought your last fight…you’ve slayed the last beast…and you take a deep breath to gather yourself and the little dignity you have left…here comes yet another weapon formed against you.

Perhaps, I’m being slightly dramatic here, but these new weapons hit differently. These new weapons of today… my goodness… they take your breath away leaving you empty and second-guessing life. Why me? Why now? Did I not prove myself the last round?

Is this the point where we pause and laugh together…to keep from crying? You know what they say…misery loves company, right?! For your sake, I pray you’ve discovered an unwavering support system, or at a minimum, a healthy outlet to help you reset. During this day and age, I find it even more imperative to be in sync with your inner strength.

What happens if we’re tired? What happens if life has beat our a** so much you feel depleted, abandoned, or misled with false hope? After all, we are just humans! Spiritual battles are only one aspect of the trials we face on earth that have been designed to prepare us for something greater [What does this mean, “something greater”?].

This my friend is why I say your inner source of strength must be grounded by something not bound by the limitations of the dimensions for which we reside. The connection must be charged by energy powerful enough to move planets through the solar system…electric enough to dispel darkness from the deepest corner of your soul… and though powerful, it must be graceful enough to hold and carry you when your spirit has been stolen from the demons in the shadows, lurking for a moment of vulnerability to leech onto your innocence and purity.

As a believer, the toughest lessons to live with sometimes are the instructions of “not to question”, and to “walk by faith and not by sight”… “lean not on your own understanding”. It may leave you feeling guilty and shameful for the residual confusion resting in your essence, paralyzing you emotionally while left genuinely intrigued to know, “Is there something I did not learn from the previous test, or did I overlook the true lesson? What is it about me that screams…YES! I can take more! Send your greatest warrior this way!”

Maybe, you [like me] simply need a freaking break. 30 seconds, if you will, to just feel alive [rather than merely existing] …a brief moment to experience anything other than grief, sadness, doubt, emptiness, confusion, pain, or hopelessness. Why am I the strong one, deemed durable to withstand any challenge as a victorious warrior?

No one talks about the exhaustion that comes with being strong. No one talks about the loneliness that comes with being resilient. No one speaks about the scars, though unnoticeable to the naked eye, that linger in perpetuity and continue to sting in times of solitude. No one dares to speak on the fear of not being worthy of a good life when all you know is fighting for survival, fighting for air, fighting to live without always standing on-guard, fighting the temptation to dream because your entire life has been a disaster [complete utter chaos with sprinkles of sunshine to convince you to be grateful].

*Dramatic pause to gather our emotions as flashbacks of previous battles and the intertwined emotions flood our mind. *

Do you think you could handle the knowledge that accompany these trials of preparation and what they are equipping us for later in life, or the next life? Would it change how you approach battles against the enemy that intends to destroy every flicker of light in the world? What would you change about your way of thinking and processing of the challenges present in your life? I’m curious to know how many people would dig deep and muster the strength needed to keep fighting. Would your sadness, insecurities, and doubt continue to prevail?

One thing we know for sure, or rather we choose to believe, is every battle and every weapon formed and placed before us is for a reason. Every warrior of Christ was specifically chosen, and your destiny is UNDENIABLE! You were NOT a mistake! The most important question for you in this moment… Will you choose to evolve to the next level or remain stagnant in your faith and subsequently in your battle against the darkness that never sleeps?

Stop trying to make your way back to who you were in the past…stop looking for someone to rescue you and fight on your behalf. What if you were sent as the rescue for someone else? What if you are the blessing sent to shine your light as a beacon of hope and navigator to salvation?

As painful as it may be to read/hear, we can’t always be the victim… we can’t always give up because we’re tired… we can’t always cry when the stress and tension feel unbearable… we can’t always look for help when previous trials have equipped us to be resilient, resourceful, and reinforcement for the weak and battered.

Stop fighting with the same techniques and tactics that have led to failure in the past. You are greater, stronger, wiser, emboldened, trusted, and CHOSEN! There is no one else in the universe like you. No one else was created to journey the path you have embarked in life… though many people have crossed your path and influenced your direction… there is no other YOU!

With that, we, the WORLD, need you to be VICTORIOUS! Your light must shine forever… your love must pulsate steadily…your smile must warm the world on the highest frequency… your spirit must lead us to salvation because it is He that dwells inside you, which declares you an extension of the Lord of Lord and King of Kings…the omnipotent one with all power in His hands!

No matter what battle you may be facing today, I need you to conquer it all… for me!

You are more than ENOUGH!

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