Author Wallace - MATHIAS WALLACE

Choice: Our Personal Gateway to Sacrifice

Who knew something so powerful would boil down to something so simple…choice? Each day of our lives we make tons of choices…many of them are small, minute, unnoticeable. But then there are those which are earthshattering…momentous…life changing…and we never forget them.

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Despite our inability to see with the human eye, our choices are connected and each of them hold meaning…purpose…and it’s all by design. For some, this news may be intriguing or even thrilling. But for others…the overthinkers…the planners…this can be overwhelming.

Who we are and who we have yet to become is a direct reflection of our choices in life or a result of the choices we were afraid to make along the way. Nevertheless, we stand as a product of the inner workings of our mind and bundled emotions of our heart.

Does this make you proud, or do you feel a sense of disappointment?

Many brothers and sisters feel they are a result of their surroundings, the limited resources, the survivors of victimhood. With this perception, life is happening to each of these individuals; they are presenting themselves as without choice or accountability.

Unfortunately, even a victim [prisoner] has a choice to decide their fate. He or she may choose to fight at every moment and create an opportunity to escape. Even if death is inevitable, he or she may decide to make the journey unpleasant and exhausting for the warden.

As we learned from our history books, tens of thousands of slaves claimed their own lives by jumping from ships as a declaration of choosing freedom over enslavement. Live was happening to them with the men and their chains, guns, and illusion or perceived power. But even in the face of wickedness and torture, they refused to be a victim and welcomed their power of choice.

The battles we face in today’s society are not nearly as detrimental as slavery, and yet we continue to find ourselves immobile, frightened, and unsure of what to do. We continue to find ourselves too afraid to make the wrong decision. We find ourselves too careful, thinking through every scenario, and years pass just for us to find ourselves stuck in the same circumstances in fear of the unknown.

Where is your faith? Are the demons circling your life more powerful than the God in your life? If you say the demons are too powerful…the fear is too great…the doubt is too overwhelming… Then guess who is giving the power away… yes, you! It’s your choice of allowing insecurities to be more influential over your life than hope!

Choose to stand up for what you want. Believe that you are worthy. Consider that joy is what you deserve. Welcome more than turmoil into your life. Choose to be your very own superhero.

Set your soul free and choose sunshine over cloudy-gloomy days. Choose rainbows over frosty-snowy blizzards. Embrace the freedom and power of choice over the lackluster position of victimhood, for nothing in this world is too formidable for a Child of God!

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Choose you, and never allow your happiness, hope, or dreams to become a sacrifice ever again!

Help is on the Way: A Call from the Inside

Many times, we find ourselves at a pause…holding our breath…afraid to open our eyes…

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Fear and doubt will be the death of us…those of us sitting and waiting for a sign…praying for change…begging for something different in our lives. Waiting and weltering as the world continues to spin, flowers bloom, and new beginnings are created.

Many times, we mistake sitting in confusion with being patient for our Father, the King of Kings…

Change requires action, even if you accidently do something wrong, that’s ok because you gave an effort…you tried! Be proud of doing something. Sometimes we must move our body to trigger our mind into believing once again that we’re alive.

Many times, we set ourselves up for failure thinking our prayers and tears are enough to evoke a different outcome…

Transformation requires work…consistency…intention…and courage. With so much access to the outside world and the homes of our neighbors and friends across the world, many are misled to believe a revolution within oneself happens overnight and that prosperity is waiting on the other side of the door.

Ironically, success in life is much like baking a cake and the bigger the dreams…the more glamorous the lifestyle…the more complicated the goals…then the more planning, prepping, and ingredients are required to reach the greatest potential of savory goodness…stacked with layers of accomplished milestones and covered with a light, airy, and sweet frosting covering the scars of lessons learned along the way.

However, my dear friend, if fear controls your mind…if doubt controls your mental response…if victimhood remains your default, you will only enjoy the image of your dream cake from the front of the box while your taste buds erode and settle into dust.

Many times, we believe our life is doomed for disaster simple due to our track record…

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What happens every day when you rise from bed thinking the day is going to be terrible? How many blessings do you overlook by trying to find chaos? How many beautiful moments do you bypass with your fixation on cruelty and despair? How much darkness do you witness in your surroundings by ignoring the miracles being revealed all around you?

Many times, we manage to forget that our words, deeds, and actions give strength to either the dweller in the darkness or the Saviour in the light…

Now that you know the power is in your hands…that the influence rests on your tongue…that the ingredients for success reside within you…what will you choose to do? Will you be the change you desire in this world? Will you elevate those around you? Or will you sit and wallow in your decay?

I challenge you to grab that mixing bowl and add your goals [ingredients], create your vision [mixture], pour them into cake pans [God’s hands], bake them at the appropriate temperature [prayer], and then begin assembling your multi-tiered cake [blessed life].

Before you cut the first slice, look back at the box with all the instructions and reflect on how overwhelmed you felt…recall the desire to give up…relive the confusion with the new steps you have never attempted before.

Many times, we become our own worst enemy…

But this time, let’s choose Perseverance…Resilience…& Faith!

Do Not Give Up Now: A Sinner’s Battle Cry

Life and its unpredictability leave us vulnerable to the sporadic free will of others who lack self-control, discipline, empathy, and a moral code of ethics. We rise from our beds, minds occupied by the tasks of the day, and begin preparing ourselves for what we believe to be the calling of the day.

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We pace from the front steps of our home completely unaware of what’s waiting for us…what has been planned…or where one random decision may lead us. To enumerate, some choose to believe that a shift is occurring because trouble does not last always and a change must come. Afterall, no one can be this unlucky, right?

Then again, after all the endless wars on the battlefield, what are you left with? Is it enough? Do you have anything left to give? Is there anyone to your left or right eager and willing to lift you when you’re weak?

You’re too close to stop now…

Look at who you have become despite the bear traps [temptation] placed in your path snapping at your feet as you wavered through the valley of demise… Scars covering your body from the barbed wire [seduction] as you crawled tirelessly to escape the sensationalized whispers in your ear.

You fought too hard to give in now…

Listen to the power restored in your voice after bombs [doubt] exploded repeatedly to silence your words and messages to the people who needed to hear them the most. Though hoarse and pitch strained from the captivity of your sound trapped in the pit of punji stakes [fear], you treated yourself with lemons and honey and savored every drop until your vocals regained their strength.

You’re never too broken to be healed…

Glace at your surroundings and take note of the victims [believers] who, regardless of their past, look to you for hope that tomorrow will come. Trials [demons] stole your most cherished belongings and paraded in the streets in celebration of their thievery. But to the contrary, these things [distractions] prevented your growth and the transformation of your mind.

Your past is not too damaging for forgiveness…

Bridges [relationships] may have burned from words stated in anger or while overcome with grief and sorrow, but the core of who you are remains anointed with unspeakable power. In spite of the wickedness influenced by darkness, you chose not to reside in a space of guilt. Conversely, you accepted accountability and pushed yourself to grow from within.

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That empty void can be restored….

The strikes we feel across our backs during this thing called life will not break us…limit us…or dishonor us. The victory experienced by others at the cost of our pride and humility will not shame us or steal our joy because the advantage will be short lived.

No enemy…no weapon…no strategy…is great enough to claim victory over a believer who only fears rejection from the kingdom of the everlasting. No plot, scheme, or trickery will ever fool the wise one’s chosen to deliver the world from its own condemnation.

Your calling is undeniable…engrained in your soul…imprinted in your spirit and it does not matter how fast you run, how hard you push away, or how long you hide from your identity. For the sake of the army of the light, do not stop now… do not drop your head now… do not rest in a state of confusion for eternity!

Whatever your mind tells you [uncertainty], do not give up now! Your testimony alone will render the demons of the darkness weak…your untapped power buried under your fear will set the world free of all impurities.

If not for us, the undeserving, do it for yourself…your dreams…your secret wish list…your silent prayers! Don’t you deserve happiness, peace, prosperity? I believe you do, and deep down you do, too! If we all cannot be set free from our misfortune, at least show us what blissful joy looks like in the eyes and heart of someone we love. Seeing you filled with hope again will trigger freedom in us all.

The question now…

Are you brave enough to claim what’s already yours? Well, are you?

Good News: You Deserve it, Too!

Have you ever been afraid to be excited? Ever feared the thought of happiness? What does this mean, or better yet, what does this say about us? Are we really this traumatized by our past that we feel undeserving?

Perhaps, we’re not accustomed to moments of happiness without the accompanying friend of “horror”. Does this make us feel cursed, or conditioned to believe our life is destined to experience chaos for the rest of our days?

Unfortunately, this is a lived reality for many people due to the less desirable moments from their past that continue to haunt desperately in our sleep, robbing us of hope before it has time to develop and manifest. Time after time misfortune 1-2 stepped its way into the life of the least expected…the innocent…the believers.

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No warning or signal offered for the sake of preparation. Just turmoil and grief waiting patiently at the door of the kindhearted with a crooked smile of despair and torment.

Incidentally, the endless highway of speedbumps and potholes have wrecked our vessel to a state of impairment which weakens our imagination for recovery. Why fix anything today that can be stolen and vandalized tomorrow? If it happened once, it could happen again, right? This new car was purchased to change my life…I restored my credit to shift my future…I saved my funds to distance me from discrimination.

Now I’ve been robbed of the entire dream…a total stranger has stolen everything from me with one swipe, leaving me with nothing but what I deserve…a life of victimhood and emptiness.

Did I celebrate too loudly? Was my happiness too cheerful? Tell me my joy wasn’t discouraging for others. Am I too damaged to deserve better?

Moreover, is it weird to feel as though your good news or blessings come ahead of the sacrifice? One moment it’s, “Congratulations on your new job and promotion!” Then later it’s, “I’m sorry your house burned down in the middle of the night.”

One moment you’re celebrating the pregnancy news of the son you’ve always wanted, just for it to be overshadowed by the death of your last living grandparent. Now who’s going to give your child that special love and wisdom that only a grandparent can share? So much for waiting for the right time to have a baby, right?

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In the same fashion, you dated mindfully…not giving your body to just any stranger…you learned your love language…you identified your boundaries…you mastered the moments to lead and cherished the moments to follow…and you suddenly found yourself falling head over heels for someone you never saw coming.

Their voice pierced your soul…their laugh made your heartbeat faster…their kindness made you levitate through the air…their love silenced every fear trapped in your mind…their selflessness healed the brokenness you hid from the world.

You were once a crippled butterfly trapped in the darkness of a hollowed tree, but their prayers mended your wings and strengthened the breath in your lungs.

As a matter of fact, you found yourself learning to fly once again. Soaring through the rain forest as God’s light shined on you through the spaces of the huge trees standing tall in the canopy. Birds chirped in celebration of your gracious return. Flowers bloomed to grace you with a royal welcome. Chipmunks danced down below as your glorious return distributed dopamine throughout the jungle like pixie dust in a fairytale.

For the first time, you felt free…worthy…complete…blessed…whole!

In spite of the joy flowing rapidly through your system, you can feel the hairs standing tall on the back of your neck. This time you could feel the wickedness nearing close to you. But why? Why now? For the first time in years, you’ve experienced an unsolicited, blissfully intoxicating love and happiness that nourished your soul.

Nevertheless, your beautiful wings of optimism and potential found themselves trapped in a web of misery and dejection.

Instantly, the joy that was flowing freely through your veins quickly turned sourly into gloom. You looked over as tears fell from your face and noticed the spider [demon] approaching with its malice to poison you.

Suddenly, you close your eyes and begin to pray…not for tools…not for resources…but to thank The Almighty for the life you have lived…the blessings received…the experiences gained…the moments to know true love. Then shockingly, a toad [Angel] appears and eats the spider [demon] before it drains you of your life source [soul], and you find yourself freed from the web of entrapment [earthly kingdom].

^“15And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

No blessing is above God and His love and no misfortune is greater than the power in His hands. Not every “No” is a “Denial”! There is unimaginable power in your words, therefore you attract what you confess with your tongue.

Conversely, sometimes we pray for things we are not fully prepared to embrace. Let’s start by healing our childhood trauma, forgiving our trespassers, congratulating our neighbors, and being grateful even when it’s not our turn.

Everyone deserves goodness [good news] and mercy [protection]! Just remember the ultimate prize in life is gaining access into heaven; nothing measures up to this reward. I love you and can’t wait to see your there…in our special place where pain, sorrow, fear, regret, and worry no longer exist. The good news…You Deserve it, Too!

This One Is For You: A Message to a Fighting Survivor

Wow! When you’re in tune with the essence flowing throughout your vessel and its energy, it’s still possible for your spirit to go through an experience before your mind realizes why it has been triggered.

Sounds like the life of a person who has successfully practiced compartmentalizing their pain, doubt, hopefulness, contentment, and focus on handling their responsibilities, right? How many of you have been there before?

Ever been hard at work and your mind completely fixated on your task with an unnoticeable tightness in your chest? How long did it take you to become situationally aware of how you were easily rattled by the slightest inconvenience? Did you realize that all day you were taking shallow breaths due to the overload of anxiety and your mind functioning in preservation mode?

How about the time you were talking to your best friend or relative about a normal topic, only to find yourself irritated with every perspective or opinion conveyed in the dialogue? For the life of you in that moment, you could not understand why normal conversations extracted a negative reaction from you.

What about all those mornings you rose from your slumber with an overwhelming sense of depression and darkness covering your life, despite the fact you went to sleep filled with happiness and hope? You closed your eyes at night knowing you would be blessed with a great day, but from the moment you opened your eyes, bliss evaded you and emptiness paralyzed you.

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As human beings, our mind, body, and spirit are so complex. Just when we believe we have discovered all there is to know about ourselves, elements beyond our control take the driver’s seat and we’re forced to go along for the ride. Why? Why the loss of control at this particular moment?

Somehow, you’re forced to finally sit down in silence… your eyes become fixated on the calendar on your wall, the computer screen on your desk, or cellular device in your hand and you notice the date.

Suddenly, it dawns on you… you’ve been spiraling because of the anniversary of one of your significant life tragedies that has quietly approached or has passed in recent days. All those days of feeling on edge, drained, concerned, ire, perplexed, sad, angry, and every other emotion in-between was linked to an earth-shattering experience from your past.

It’s amazing and yet terrifying that our essence could be in the middle of a spiritual warfare meanwhile our mind is focused on earthly battles [survival]. Is this by design?

Is it just our luck to move throughout the day without any indication our spirit is fighting, or God directing us into survival mode to prevent our life from falling further apart? Just think about how many heads you chewed off [figuratively] in recent days because your mind didn’t register the weight that comes with that selective day of tragedy.

Would you have treated everyone with kindness had you remembered the date sooner? Have you reached the point in healing where you have gained more self-control, or are you still crippled by heartache? Have you reached the point of forgiveness toward those who caused you or your family harm, or are you raveling in a pit of fire and ferocity from the lack of justice?

What do we do if no answer brings peace? What do we do if no action brings comfort? What happens if the emptiness grows deeper? How do we find hope if no one around us seems to care? How do we continue to fight when the world has already moved on and forgotten our pain?

Is this where we begin seeking other gods? Is this the moment where we explore dark magic? Should we begin casting spells and speaking in tongues? Perhaps, this is where the rituals, secret ceremonies, and sacrifices are activated.

What does it take to be heard? Why won’t the pain go away? Will the tears ever stop falling? Will I ever feel like my old self again?

My friend, after surviving immense trauma, there is no going back to whom we once were in the past. The old you died a long time ago, and that’s why your world seems gray and without light. You’re trapped in a past time, and you must break free to begin your healing.

Declare to those demons of hatred, confusion, anger, pride, doubt, emptiness, and darkness that your vessel is no longer their place of residence. Wake up every day claiming your life will be restored. Guess what? It’s perfectly fine to not understand how or when!

You don’t need to see the future to know it exists. Declare it so!

Confidently, choose to believe one day you will be healed. Believe one day life will once again have meaning. Trust there is none more powerful than God and that He has not forsaken you. Be encouraged that the new warrior you’re evolving into will be more formidable than the previous version.

Be emboldened by the beat of your walk and how it charges the earth. Be electrified by the power which remains in the purpose of your words. Be elevated by the limitless source of energy flowing from the King on the highest thrown.

Be Evolved… because you choose to be! Be more than a Survivor… because to live means to do more than merely exist! Be Healed… because you deserve it! Be Comforted even in solitude… because you’re loved by many!

Your story does not have to end with tragedy; it can be the birth of a new life. Become the author of your own life and create a new chapter. The power is in your pen, and the ink comes from the Blood of Jesus!

Strong, Reliable, and Forgiving: Resilient Angels Need Love Too

Undoubtedly, my soul morns for each of you who continue to give and to love in a way which will never be reciprocated by those whom you hold near and dear to your heart. Time after time you make sacrifices just to see them smile…just to see them hopeful…just to see them filled with something other than sadness.

No one knows how to love like you…

Moreover, you never fail or hesitate to give your last, even if it’s a blessing you prayed for specifically, to move a mountain in your own life. “God will work something out for me!” You say to yourself. Then you follow your heart and extend your blessing onto others.

No one knows how to fill an empty vessel like you…

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First and foremost, you notice the people often overlooked, misunderstood, and judged before others make the time to find out their names. Something about you is able to look deep and see the light trapped in darkness. Your humanity and respect set them free.

No one knows the power of kindness like you…

Subtle, like a bee possessed by the smell and taste of honey, they [family] flock to you, they [friends] depend on you, they [family & friends] always seem to call when they need you. They [everyone] all seem to remember you when everything else in the world has failed them, leaving a void of brokenness and sorrow.

No one knows how to heal a damaged soul like you…

There is something spiritual about you; the way hearts flutter when you’re near makes the heavenly gates open for the grand choir to sing.

There is something magical about your voice; any essence of doubt is disseminated when you speak hope into the atmosphere as even the homeless stand tall, proud, and willing to believe once again.

There is something indefinable about your aura; your presence restores lifeless beings as flowers bloom quietly from the earth soaking in the energy and life of the sun.

Conversely, the room goes silent when your eyes fill with pain and overflows with waterfalls powered with anxiety, depression, emptiness, abandonment, and neglect. Every shoulder to lean on disappears…each set of arms to hug you pushes away…each pair of eyes to witness your weakness close with urgency.

No one knows how to forgive like you…

Obviously, it’s heartbreaking to know that depending on others the way they depend on you will only lead to disappointment. No one understands the assignment when your cup is empty, only their expectations of you finding a way to figure it out erupts from their mouth. “You’ve been through worse!” They say without offering a moment for you to process your feelings and overwhelming sense of doubt.

Even the dependable require support…

Miraculously, you have seen this playout time after time, and you learned how to recognize your triggers. You’re no longer afraid or insecure about crying in a private space to release your feelings trapped within your heart and mind. Life taught you that holding on to bitterness darkens the souls.

Even the strong need a break to recover…

Heartache coached you to remember that happiness, fulfillment, or contentment is your responsibility alone. As much as it would lift your spirit to receive empowerment from an outside source [family & friends], that’s why we have Him [God]! What’s wrong with wanting to hear and feel love and appreciation from those around us? Nothing!

Even the caring need hope…

Nothing heals like the unexpected…the unexpected phone call… the unexpected home visit… the unexpected “thinking of you” gift! There is nothing in this world that compares to showing up when someone needs it. It’s not about knowing what to say…it’s knowing your presence alone can change their life. It’s not about spending money on another person… it’s knowing your love for them goes beyond “I’m praying for you” text.

Even the forgiving needs you to show up…

For once, choose the strong friend/relative! For once, drop everything to be there for them! Stop assuming he/she is ok and that everything will work out. Perhaps, one phone call is not enough. Maybe, solitude is not the best answer. Have you considered that a five-word text is not sufficient for a broken heart?

Effort + Intention + Consistency + Grace + Empathy = Path to healing!

Even resilient Angels need love, too!

Is Freedom a Trick: An Internal Discussion of a Lost Soul

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!

But what if I want to and it makes me smile? What if it makes me feel good inside? Where does my happiness fall in this equation and what are the other variables? Who or what holds the authority to determine whether I should or not follow through with my thoughts [intentions]?

Isn’t this freedom [free will]? Aren’t we free to do as we please?

In a past life, we found ourselves pulled in different directions, battling thoughts and actions for fear of judgement from others. Fearing misunderstandings… fearing labels… fearing being outcast by society and left to live in solitude on a deserted island trapped with only our thoughts, guilt, and shame.

Hmm… Which will kill us first, our uncensored thoughts, momentous guilt, or darkest shame?

Shame? Why has this word escaped the human language in today’s time? Many believe we should bring shame back as people in general seem to care less these days. Youth are fighting their elders, parents consuming substances around their kids, and no one bats an eye. What happened to shame? How did we get here?

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Some time ago, little boys couldn’t wear certain colors or play with particular toys for fear of being emasculated and deemed unworthy of carrying their father’s name. Little girls couldn’t learn certain skills and were restricted to what they could wear for fear of being possessed by a jezebel spirit and being disowned by their mothers.

Isn’t this freedom [free will]? Does the innocence or purity of one’s mind not matter?

Where have these standards come from, and who deemed it so? Whose interpretation declared it law? Interpretation… interpretation of what? Which house spoke this language? Who speaks as the head of this house?

Many are beginning to think to themselves that this language sounds quite familiar and close to home… as you begin looking around and scanning your brain for more clues or perhaps a scripture for reference.

Ahhh! The dust begins to settle, and our minds collectively remember these condemnations spoken in the House [Church] of our Father [Lord]. These interpretations were spoken with such conviction and persuasion of truth; parents never debated or gave pause to the instructions; other adults shrunk in shame for not meeting the various definitions or scripts of how to be a good man or a woman of value.

Shame was weaponized as a tool to shun you away from our Father’s house… you were declared an abomination… you were labeled as a woman unfit for a husband… you were viewed as a man too soft for a queen. And in this era, shame became powerful and unyielding.

But isn’t this, too, freedom [free will]? Obedience does not require understanding; compliance is what’s expected, right?

Over time, power was siphoned from the Father [Lord] and transfused into the veins of leaders addicted to the power of influence. Like a wildfire, this poison spread throughout communities and plagued nations for generations.

If you dared to think differently and raise questions, you were labeled a problem child, disobedient, shameful, or sinister. So, you rebelled by no longer showing your face, running away from the darkness that disguised itself as truth, love, and acceptance. This trauma followed you as the vision from your eyes faded, the beat of your heart declined, the sparkle of your spirit dimmed, and your confidence melted away as an orphan once embraced in a formidable House [Church].

What could you do, right? They declared themselves chosen by God directly… God spoke to them weekly, right? No matter how much you prayed, God never spoke directly to you [you never heard his voice]. Therefore, their interpretations must be true, right?

What if I told you God lives in each of us who choose to believe in Him and all judgement rests in his hands? Not every House [Church] was built on His foundation or with a leader chosen by Him!

All that time you thought you were running, you were sleepwalking and not gaining any clarity. Clarity comes with knowledge, knowledge comes from reading, reading His words gives you unlimited power, and with power comes an avalanche of responsibility.

Now, isn’t this Freedom [free will]? Shouldn’t freedom [free will] lead us to God, hold us accountable and enlighten us?

A simple humanitarian act such as respecting our fellow neighbor is a lost concept. Most appear to be in survival mode and there’s no space for niceties when people are “too” occupied fighting for resources, fame, and opportunity. And that my friend, is when we begin our fall from grace. Being too busy for God [praying]… being too tired for God [praying]… living too well for God [praying]… in too much pain for God [praying]… being too happy to need God [prayer].

When you’re too anything for God and begin to engage in your freedom [free will], all hell breaks loose. Living for the moment may have irreparable consequences that not even prayer can cure. Not caring about your neighbor, parents, or the elderly leads you astray from our Father’s grace, protection, and mercy. Granting God’s authority to any man or woman on this earth will always open the door to confusion, disappointment, and heartache.

Just because you can do or say whatever you like does not mean you should, because whether you believe it or not, every action has a consequence and God is always watching!

Use your freedom [free will] to earn your golden pass into the gates of heaven. Pray for others more than yourself, give to others more than you receive, share God’s glory with happiness, uplift your neighbors with a kind heart, and be a beacon of hope when others are trapped in darkness!

Now that’s freedom [free will]! Moving in alignment with God!

Breaking Free from Emotional Chains: A Personal Tale

I granted you access to my life, not authority over who I am or who I may become. I guess it’s true what the old folks say, “You give them an inch, they’ll take a mile”!

I gave you my vulnerability and you saw it as a gateway… a gateway and playground for your ego to cause more confusion, pain, and doubt.

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In a moment of weakness, I shared with you my truth… the heartache…the insecurities…the nightmares…the hidden wounds. Did you see me for me, or just another opportunity for you…an opportunity to appear omnipotent?

For a while I said nothing, convinced myself that I wasn’t bothered. I ignored all the red flags, convincing myself that I wasn’t triggered. I offered you grace, even if doing so left me damaged inside.

I left all of me behind…buried my body…compartmentalized my mind…froze my heart…and walked blindly into the darkness. Head bowed and senses numb to the elements of this world.

Anything was better than the grief…anything was better than crying…anything was better than facing reality [the true nightmare that never wanted to end]. Besides, what more could I lose? What more could be taken from me? Name one thing left in my life of value…yeah, I couldn’t name anything either.

Little did I know, you were not done with me. Your greed sickened me. Your wickedness crippled me. Your evil eye paralyzed me. All this time you were not chasing me…you were studying me…plotting against me…waiting strategically to conquer what no one else has achieved.

From my first struggles as a child, you could sense me coming…falling. Since the enactment of the first trauma and my blood spilled effortlessly into the cool water, you could smell me…taste me even. Excitement consumed you from the imagination of my pain…my endless tears… a lifetime of tragedy waiting ahead of me.

Feeling powerless or lost in the world or in any circumstance eats at you in ways that are often indescribable to those accustomed to eating with a silver spoon. Do we dare educate and face the narcissistic monster lurking in the shadows?

Is our truth worth fighting for? Is peace worth new scars? Is contentment worth new disappointments?

I say to the Universe, I don’t belong to you! Your moment of control over me is DONE! Release me! Release me, I say! I’m ending this pity party…I’m defeating this depression…I’m crushing the uncertainty…I’m burning the guilt…I’m dismantling all fear in my heart, mind, and spirit!

We choose to keep fighting, but there are moments when the storms continue to smash against our homes [lives]…breaking windows [spirits]…fracturing foundations [souls]. And yet, we rebuild [our faith], knowing it can happen again.

Is this wisdom or insanity? Is this our way of fighting back? Is this our way of sending a message?

Perhaps, it’s a message that anything created and design by God can be restored! Maybe, it’s a message that despite what is fighting against us isn’t nearly as powerful as He who already died for us. It’s possible we have been reading and interpreting the story…our story…inaccurately this whole time.

Turn on the light, flip the mirror around, see the real you…notice the light? As dim as it may appear at first, it’s still there…it’s still yours! That light and its power belong to you! Now tell me, what are you going to do with it?

The time is coming…build your strength…ground your feet…form your fists. Tighter, like you believe it!

The time is nearing to end our self-doubt…every time you thought you were broken beyond repair you stood tall. When you thought your story was ending, God created a new chapter. You thought grace from this world was beyond your reach, and yet you found your breath…you remembered your voice…you rediscovered your passion…you felt the warm kiss of the Sun once again and your purpose re-emerged.

Our aspirations are not too big. Our dreams are not impractical. The blessings we pray for each night are not unreasonable. I declare what is for me, is mine! What God has for you, is for you!

I don’t require affirmations from this world. The whispers from the vain, empty-hearted, calculating, soulless, 5% believer, 95% universe worshippers hold no power or authority over me.

The pain from my scars…mine! The joy from my victory…mine! The guilt locked in pandoras box…mine! The testimony healing this world…mine! The God recharging my soul…mine! The blessing underway due to my faith…mine! The breakthrough because of my prayers…mine! The deliverance of my soul from fasting…Mine!

What God has for me cannot be taken by any man or entity reveling in the universe…IT IS FOR ME! Declare what IS FOR YOU!

Beyond the Sweetness of Delusion: One Shocking Call for Help

Many things have been said and done towards us over the years. Some of these encounters came with perfect timing, providing just what we needed at the moment. We were encouraged, provided with resources, or given wisdom. Some people have a gift of knowing exactly what to say. Others are blessed and driven to help others with the tools available for dissemination to those struggling.

Not to mention, it’s such a blessing to know these types of people who never ask for anything…they offer and add value to your life. They do not burden you with their horror stories at a sad attempt of winning the “Who has the Worst Life” award. They share things that are exciting, distracting from your daily woes and times of strife.

They share things that remind you that the world is still spinning and life continues to move forward. It forces you to decide whether to remain stagnant or fight for the life you deserve. Some of the battles we face require assistance from the outside… a source greater than ourselves…an essence not stripped of its catalyst of strength.

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Let’s give a shout out to the people that listen with an open ear…non-judgmental friends/family that see us as humans first. We love you! At times, you give the best advice. You never allow us to live in our delusion or false realities that offer a temporary guise of healing and peace.

Moreover, the words of positivity that you offer… the hugs you extend… the car rides in silence…or having your presence near us…they remind us God is real. They remind us He is loving. They remind us He is forgiving. They remind us He has warriors positioned all over and serving His will.

The strong one! The wise one! The image of resilience! The voice of reason and logic!

As a matter of fact, we recognize that those who carry these titles did not willingly choose them on their own. Some of us were involuntarily nominated in these roles at an early age and the responsibility never quite reassigned itself to someone else.

Why? Why must we achieve excellence in everything we do? Where does the strength come from? Or are you/we better at hiding what’s really going on? Does helping others provide a selfless outlet or escape from your own problems?

Similarly, this must be part of your strategy for healing, by supporting others, counseling the broken, equipping the poor, and serving the unfortunate…a more commendable space of delusion, of course.

Though, if we could be honest for a moment, delusion feels good when it’s not active in an atmosphere of toxicity. We cannot sit here and pretend otherwise. On the contrary, delusion is like the mid-night snack we know is not good for our health, but it will satisfy the craving and send us off to sleep.

In spite of the weird dreams that may come with eating so close to bedtime, we managed to fall asleep and that was the priority! Most would prefer to feel weird rather than restless. In this case, a win is a win!

When we think back in time and the conversations or interactions with people, not everything said has hurt us. Not everything said has broken our spirits. Not all things said or done required a response or reaction. Not all things done to us left a physical bruise to remind us of the altercation or disagreement.

Most, as you begin to reminisce, may recall taking the high road regardless to maintain peace and minimize hostility. Has there ever been a moment where the high road cost your peace of mind? Has it ever caused your spirit to be unsettled? Did it fill you with regret? How often does this encounter stalk you while daydreaming?

Comparatively to the previous scenario, this too, is delusion. We often times find ourselves compromising and accommodating others for the sake of being peaceful. As perplexed as it may sound, these “selfless” acts can cause more damage if we’re not careful.

We should not be compromising when our values are completely disregarded by the oppressor. We should not be accommodating when our faith is under attack, no matter the discomfort or level of intimidation. We should not take the high road when our family values are omitted, leaving our loved ones demoralized or petrified. We should not turn the other cheek when decrepit soulless beings attempt to steal our souls, joy, purpose, or connection to The Almighty.

As apprehensive as it may seem, these are not the instances to sit in the delusion of taking the high road. This my friend is when we turn and fight. We fight for what is ours. We fight for what we have worked so hard for in life. We fight for the things God has declared were ours, and ours along.

We fight to take a stand! We fight to be remembered! We fight for the weak! We fight for lost souls unable to find their way. We fight for the disadvantaged! We fight for the underdog! We fight because this spiritual warfare has claimed too many lives.

We fight because our Purpose is bigger than Pride!

To have clarity of when to fight and when to stand down, one must be connected, anointed, patient, humble, slow to react, a praying warrior, purpose-filled, and emptied of him/herself and sustained by the Holy one.

That promotion is yours, position yourself to be competitive. That new house is yours, build your team and go for it. That new business is yours, establish a plan and pursue it. That healing you’ve prayed for is on it way, pray and believe it is done. That emptiness deep inside does not belong there, claim your purpose every day and believe it. That justice belongs to you, equip yourself with the resources to declare victory.

Prayer – Action = Disappointment & Defeat

I write this passage to declare your Victory in 2026! Be Bold, Kind, Thoughtful, Vigilant, Confident, Hopeful, True, and practice Discernment!

Bring That Old Thing Back – Destiny

It’s your season! Yes, you! Don’t look around for the next person. I’m speaking to you! Do you believe me? Do you believe in yourself? Let me guess… you don’t think you deserve it, right? You’re less than perfect so there must be someone else more deserving, right?

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How long do you plan on residing here, in this place of pity, in this place of doubt, in this place of worthlessness? What will it take to pull you from the darkness and into the light? We want that old thing back…not the old you…but rather the light and fire that luminated the world and provided the warmth needed to feel God’s love.

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Yes! We want that old thing back! Who stole it from you? Did you give it away? Perhaps, you simply gave up. Why? Why turn your back on who you were becoming? Was it due to fear… fear of the amount of work it will take to sustain the new you… fear of the new challenges that come with the enlarged territory… fear of the blessing that would overwhelm you?

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Just tell me one thing… How has running benefited you? Are you happier? Have you grown closer to God, or further away? Do you feel stronger or weaker? Is this light that dwells inside of you brighter or dimmer? What about your clarity…is the vision for your future clearer?

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What you’re doing to yourself is wasting time. You’re wasting time and limiting yourself on experiencing all that life has to offer. Right now, you think you’ve done all that you possibly could in life. But what you don’t realize is that you are completely incapable of seeing the forest. Massive sequoia trees stand before you and they are blocking the view. You are captivated by what’s in front of you thinking this is all God has instore for you when it’s not.

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It’s time to stop distracting yourself. It’s time to stop the excuses. It’s time to stop waiting to be rescued. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. It’s time to face your childhood trauma and defeat it. You are no longer a little kid… you possess the strength to fight back now. Stand in the strength God has blessed you with. Every trial has prepared you for this moment. Hold up your mighty fists and strike with the mighty power of God!

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SWING for the times you felt abandoned! SWING for the times you felt unloved! SWING for the times you were left hungry! SWING for the times you were abused! SWING for the times you cried yourself to sleep! SWING for the times the electricity went out! SWING for the times you didn’t have hot water! SWING for the times drugs and alcohol meant more to your parent(s) than loving you! SWING for all the times you only heard “I Love You” when you said so to yourself in the mirror! SWING for every time you were called names, but never beautiful!

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Beloved… my friend… my sibling in Christ…every swing you just released will serve as a bandage of healing! Yes, that’s right! From this point forward you will embark on your healing journey. You know what it feels like to be burden. You know what it feels like to be sad and depressed. You know what it feels like to have an emptiness [void] corrode the life of your soul.

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You know what it feels like to have so much anger trapped inside that not a speck of joy or optimism could penetrate your essence. You know what it feels like to have hopelessness drain your life source [spirit] leaving you a powerless vessel for consumption by the demons of the night.

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How about we start fresh? You deserve a restart, right? Healing from the inside will get you there. Accepting that life will not always be fair, even for God’s anointed. Here’s something [wisdom] you may have bypassed during your strife, you have been equipped with every tool needed to defeat the ills of the night.

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It sprouts from within… grace… mercy… forgiveness… love… understanding… empathy… selflessness… faith…strength…light… clarity… blessings…God!

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It all sprouts from within! When will you tap into what’s within? How much time have you spent looking for these elements of survival and prosperity elsewhere? How much have you tried to borrow from others? It’s ok! We all have been there. Looking inside forces us to face the truth; the truth of who we are; the truth of how weak we truly feel at times.

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Here is something you may not have heard in a while… GOD IS NOT DONE WITH YOU! And because I love Him, I’m also sending love and prayers of healing your way! Why? Because you would do the same for me. By reading this passage, you have inherited a prayer warrior in your corner. Surely you expected that, right? It’s clear you were led here to add to your village of support. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE…when you love God!

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It’s the people you never realize that pray the hardest for you. We want you to smile. We want you to feel loved again. We want you to restore your faith. We want you to see you for you!

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I know you were knocked down, kicked, and spit on. But hear me when I say this is not how your story ends! Today is not the day we say goodbye. Today is the day we say hello; hello to the new you, the EVOLVED you. Just take the first step to believe. Have the courage to take the first SWING at life!

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It is never too late to turn things around for your good. It is never too late to say, “Enough is Enough!”

Bring that old thing back…CONFIDENCE!